100 Things That America Must Remember
by Tortelliniti
Summary: Even the United States of Awesome can't do whatever he pleases... Read for a list of things America's prohibited from doing!


**Hello readers~**

**I was just looking through the notes on my phone when I spotted this, hidden in some kind of old, untouched note from last summer. I read through it, made some changes, and decided "what the hell, let's upload this". So here it is~**

**By the way, I referenced some episodes and some common fanon ideas that I support (like the fact that Sealand looks like America and England's love child XD), so if there's stuff someone doesn't get, I can tell you what I'm referencing. ... Though it's pretty much dead obvious XD**

**Oh yeah: I warn the FrUk fangirls, I'm coming to kill you. Haha, just kidding ( :D ) What I wanted to say was that there's a few USUK references. *thinks* Oh, and since it's an old fic, I didn't know of AmeBel when I wrote this, so there's nothing about them (sadly).**

**Enjoy~**

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**100 Things That America Must Remember**

1. I can't stuff my face with burgers while I'm talking to people  
2. Especially not at meetings.  
3. Throwing baseballs at Canada is not an acceptable form of stress relief.  
4. Especially when I'm hitting him in the nuts on purpose.  
5. Even though it's hilarious.  
6. I can't piss people off and pretend it was Canada.  
7. Making fun of England's eyebrows isn't nice.  
8. Even though they're practically begging for me to laugh at them.  
9. Iggy objects to being called as such.  
10. Asking people to watch movies with me despite knowing ahead of time that I'm going to be freaked out by them makes the others think I'm really weird.  
11. China doesn't take it lightly when I make him work like the servant of the Allies.  
12. Or when people take his Hello Kitty dolls.  
13. Or when people tell him he looks like a girl with his hair down.  
14. England doesn't want to be friends with Whale Dude.  
15. Canada is, in fact, a country. He's not just "the state that wasn't cool enough to join my awesome Union".  
16. Or at least, that's what France says.  
17. Kissing England's cheek will only make him blush and yell at me, so I shouldn't do it.  
18. Even though it's really cute how he reacts.  
19. Not everybody's up for having a whole bag full of burgers for lunch.  
20. Especially Japan.  
21. Giving people random nicknames isn't always appreciated.  
22. Don't agree to become One with Russia. That dude's scary.  
23. It's mean to say that Iggy has a weird accent.  
24. Not everybody is used to food the colors of highlighters.  
25. Especially not the Asians.  
26. Or France.  
27. So I can't look at them like they're from Mars when they don't understand the colors of my lunch.  
28. I'm the only one who gets what Tony's saying when he's not speaking English.  
29. American isn't a language.  
30. ...According to Iggy.  
31. It's embarrassing to England when I call Sealand our love child in front of other people.  
32. Especially when I say that he's the mom.  
33. Burgers don't cure colds.  
34. The fact that I have glasses doesn't automatically make me smarter.  
35. Though it works on Sweden.  
36. Don't diss England's imaginary friends.  
37. Or Norway's troll.  
38. Neither takes it lightly.  
39. I'm not supposed to laugh when stars get stuck in Britain's head.  
40. I can't forget to account for my own strength when I touch stuff.  
41. Especially when it's people that I'm touching.  
42. Nobody likes being chucked about like a ragdoll.  
43. Burgers aren't suitable food for animals.  
44. ... So it's not good to feed them to Greece's cats.  
45. It's a serious health hazard to steal Romano's tomatoes.  
46. Not everyone agrees that America is the greatest country in the world  
47. Even though it is.  
48. It's unreasonable to assume that everyone will always automatically agree with me just because I'm the hero.  
49. ... So I should stop expecting it to happen.  
50. England doesn't understand that I can't see his unicorns. He never will, so I should just stop trying to tell him so.  
51. I DON'T want to see Japan's tentacle porn. Ever. Again.  
52. Google Maps won't direct me to Germany, it'll tell me to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. … Which I shouldn't try.  
53. "Because it says so in the Taco Bell commercials" is apparently not a good enough reason for claiming that fast food is good for you.  
54. Ice cream isn't worth the price of breaking my toes.  
55. Even if it's vanilla flavor.  
56. Using a map of the States to locate countries in Europe or Asia isn't going to work.  
57. Hamburgers aren't a food group.  
58. Neither is fast food.  
59. Neither is cake.  
60. Iggy's food kills people.  
61. Literally.  
62. So I can't eat it, EVER.  
63. Shouting out "that's what she said" whenever someone says something that could have a double meaning is apparently not appropriate.  
64. I mustn't ask Hungary what yaoi is.  
65. Even Japan says I don't want to know.  
66. Ronald McDonald is not a suitable role model.  
67. ... Says Iggy.  
68. Even though he totally helps orphan kids and charities and stuff.  
69. Laughing at this number will result in a slap from England and France making rape faces at me.  
70. It's not nice to justify being a hero by how I pwned the Axis in WWII.  
71. Russia does NOT appreciate being called a "commie".  
72. Which means that it's dangerous to do so.  
73. I can't forget my brother's name again, it makes him upset.  
74. Not that that's a problem- I know he's called Ca... Um... Canana? Cabana? ... Oh, right, Canada! I totally knew that!  
75. I'm not the embodiment of the American Dream.  
76. ... Wait a second, yes I am!  
77. Mexico doesn't want to mow my lawn.  
78. Or do my laundry.  
79. Or clean my house.  
80. Especially if it's supposed to be "a favor".  
81. It's also not nice to ask him whether he's responsible for the increase in the number of people on the planet.  
82. Austria and Australia aren't the same person.  
83. ... Right?  
84. I should probably stop blindly trusting people just because I'm the hero.  
85. According to Russia, that ends you up in nasty situations sometimes.  
86. ... Hold on, since when do I listen to Russia?  
87. Europe isn't a country.  
88. Nor is it a state.  
89. Nor the capital of Africa.  
90. Which isn't a country in the first place.  
91. Just because Russia calls his land "Mother Russia", it doesn't mean he got a sex change.  
92. China's a dude.  
93. I think...  
94. Loudly singing the National Anthem during world conferences (or any conferences for that matter) is (supposedly) disrespectful to other countries.  
95. Even though my anthem is better than theirs.  
96. Whispering things into Iggy's ear makes him blush, no matter what I'm saying.  
97. Even if it's about burgers.  
98. And that gives people the wrong idea.  
99. USUK is better than FrUk, and not just because I'm cooler than France. ... Though I am.  
100. I'M THE HERO!

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**Okay, so that was completely random and unlike anything else I'd normally write. But I hope it was entertaining, at the least~**


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